a fierce knocking at my door
vibrating the walls and echoing throughout the house
my mansion, my safe haven
dreadfully empty
but I cannot leave. I cannot see what lies outside
the fear paralyzes my entire body
hatred
in my past I hated the outside
having what I did not
being free, being unafraid
imagined sounds outside my door in paranoia
but now I lie awake for a different reason
because I think:
maybe if I can be free too
and I realize what a fool I am for imagining it
the gall to think I belong
the nerve to lie
I bolt the doors, cover the windows
keep music playing and earmuffs on
anything to ignore the urge to explore what’s out there
anything to ignore the knocking
the knocking
louder
and louder
too loud now to drown its beckoning
and I find myself terrified of who’s behind the door
if anyone is even there
or if it’s a figment of my own madness
but its pull is too great to ignore
the curiosity of a thousand cats possesses me
my hand trembles as I twist the knob
I slowly open it
sunlight beams in
and a family welcomes me outside