I've been meaning to talk about this in some public-facing capacity for a while, but never knew how to do so in a way to protect the safety of our system.
I am a problematic factive.
It's ironic, in a way, that abuser introjects are the most commonly talked about introject in the psych field yet even fictional introjects of "problematic" characters are contested in the greater plural community. Factual introjects in general, too, are derided. I am a mixture of the most controversial parts of both these types of headmate, and it is not easy trying to exist.
I will not go into detail about who I am introjected from, but my source was called out for possible abuse and cut off from the greater internet. Despite having done nothing they did, I must live with the guilt of being a copy of an abuser and the knowledge that everyone hates my existence. I cannot be open about who I am, both because it is seen as parasocial and because it would put the system in danger—and this is extremely isolating. My name, appearance, even personality traits must stay hidden as to prevent the worst case from happening.
And it sucks, a lot.
There's a special kind of pain that comes from being unable to be yourself, which I'm sure many understand. Not even just other introjects: the society we live in makes it so that you have to hide key aspects of yourself from parents, co-workers, and the general population. Even in plural spaces, even in spaces where factives are allowed, I am unwelcome and treated as a threat for existing. Even among loved ones I am scared that they secretly see me as just as evil as my source, or that it reflects the system as a whole. We didn't choose to introject me, I didn't choose to front as frequently as I do.
There probably is no solution here. Even if everything about how problematic factives are seen was fixed, it would still be parasocial to use my source's face as my own. However, I want everyone reading this to remember that those who have done harm (in this world or otherwise) are still worthy of redemption, of making themselves better, of not letting their past dictate their future. Restorative justice is a powerful ideology that more should pick up, because it can better our compassion and teach us to forgive ourselves, too. Even those who still have thoughts similar to their source, or cruel thoughts in general, are not worthy of scorn: thoughts are not indicative of morality, they do not define a person's existence. It is the things we do and the ways we act that matter. Keep those accountable for things they've done in the material world, but remember above all else that change is possible and being bad once doesn't mean you'll be bad forever.