Our system is mostly made up of mostly aspecs, an umbella term for aces, aros, and other a- identities. If you know anything about the aspec community, you may know its history of being the center of "discourse" (endless aphobia) and disrespect. Even within the community, there is infighting in an attempt to appear digestible to those that would never have givwn us a chance anyway.
I will never be digestible, due to being two of the most contested aspec identities.
I am a loveless aro and aplatonic: three words you might've heard get made fun of before. Being told we are missing out on a quintessential part of being alive, being told we are "friendless", "heartless" (which some aros have reclaimed as an identity as well), is all too common. People jump at the opportunity to attack an experience they don't understand.
I'd like to explain my experiences as both, not to appease the masses but to maybe help you understand what it's like being me. I do understand being confused, as we too didn't understand what being these could be like until I split. I would also like to clarify that these two terms can have a variety of meanings to different aspecs, and that my experiences are simply my own and are not the end-all-be-all of what these terms mean.
Simply put, for me, being loveless is not experiencing or understanding love. This isn't just romantic love, it's the general idea of loving things. It's strange sometimes: all of our our other headmates are full of love for the people around them and the things they do, but I don't get it. I suppose I see things more pragmatically. I care about my friends, I find interest in things I do, I just cannot connect with this grand feeling everyone else does. My emotions tend to be a little dull and I am deadpan, and these things might give people the idea that I am cold. In reality, I just experience the world differently. I don't need to know what love feels like because I am content with who and how I am.
Many people will say that love is what makes us alive, everything is about love, things like that. I understand love is important to them, but I can't say it doesn't hurt having people not consider me alive because I'm different, that I'm missing a puzzle piece that makes me a real person. In my opinion, we cannot ever create hard set rules to being human, or alive, or whatever—do your rules include disabled people? Do they include those that deviate from the norms of society? Are you accepting those that don't see themselves as human, or alive, or a person? Maybe we should just accept that everyone has a different idea of what makes them part of this world.
Being aplatonic is a little harder to describe. This is probably one of the terms with the most contention, even within the aplatonic community. Everyone has different ideas of what beng "aplatonic" means.
I don't really crave making "friends". I appreciate companionship, like talking to people sometimes, and care about the people around me. I like connecting with people over similar experiences and interests, but I can't say I'd call anybody a "friend". The people in my life are important to me, but some will assume they aren't due to my word choice. I dislike hurting people in this way, because I really do want the best for those around me. I fear ruining the system's relationship with others due to this and being loveless, but it's nothing I can control about myself. I feel fulfilled in my own way, and any changes I'd make about myself would be related to my own health and happiness.
So yeah, it might still not be understandable to you, and that's ok. Sometimes people are so different from you that the only thing you can do is accept them and move on. I do hope, though, that I could help give you a little glimpse into my world and brain, and maybe reassure you that you are still important to me despite how it may appear. Thank you for reading, if you are reading, and I hope your day is nice.